I sometimes believe that my first proper art project was the “digging of the pond,” a changing of the landscape that is my parents’ backyard, a taking out in order to fill in: to raise once more in order to reflect the color blue. Creating my own little ecotopia: An ideal ecosystem for frogs, lily pads and a vessel to satisfy the thirst. Coming home and seeing time on my parents, my mother asks me to take out what is too much: lily pads and water reed. Which makes sense because they taught me to shed what is too much and to only take what I need. But sometimes we need help shedding: Sometimes we need someone else to decide what to keep and what is too much.

I start pulling out the long grass. It takes time and depending on the roots, it takes strength. I often fall down and land on my ass. I guess life at home is just like life far away. Cut off the parts so they can dry, I hear her directions from the kitchen. Looking at what was hidden below, covered by the water sharing the clouds, I cannot help but think about what my friend and I recently learned from the therapist we both admire: It is in the small gestures, the small actions - that can allow the seeds to go deeper, to grow roots, to grow roots that are more than superficially holding on, roots that reach far and deep and that will be there even if not temporarily visible to the eye. Being home, I can feel the roots. They are planted deep and they hold me in place. Even if my reflection changes depending on my environment. Even if my leaves shuffle in the wind, I am grounded and I am safe.

Nathan Jurgenson says that photography is a process of remembering. It not only exposes the self but it helps the self identify itself as the self. Meaning that photography is self-knowledge and a way of thinking and reflecting to determine what makes the self indeed the self. Maybe photography could be a performance of memorizing the self. Maybe with great strength, I can unroot myself and give space for my appearance to change and for other roots to take over. I only need a little light, a little time, a little water and a witness. The pond behind my parents’ house is photography. The pond behind my parents’ house is reflecting my soul.

There are roots. Even if all you see is the sky.